Bareilley Ki Barfi Review

Bareilly Ki Barfi

Director- Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari

Starring- Sheer Talent

Rating- 4 stars

Challenging deep rooted biases in small town India, retaining their sensibilities, dialect, language, humor and also keeping it entertaining is a mammoth task. Bareily Ki Barfi nails it in every department.

It’s true when Bitti’s liberal father says ‘Humne beti ko bete ki tarah pala hain’ yet he doesn’t realize the deep rooted misogyny in the same line. He shares cigarettes with her and yet tells her how she must sit on a bike. The mother calls the nocturnal daughter, Bitti, chudail and a friend calls his friend sissy when he finds him crying, ‘Janani ki tarah aansoo baha rahe ho’. And despite such disturbing stereotyping around women, there is a scene when a love struck man declares his love for a woman, he is aptly questioned Kya Rama bhi tum se pyar karti hain?

In this heartwarming love triangle of mistaken identities and romantic poetry, just when we feel that the quarrelling suitors, in their pointless inflated male chauvinistic egos, have forgotten what the leading lady really wants, the end of the film surprises us yet again, restoring my faith in good writing. Phew, that was a long sentence, unlike the movie that’s short, gets to the point and keeps you engaged before you reach the denouement. Thank you Nitesh Tiwari and Shreyas Jain. Thank you for writing a snappy second half (despite the heartbreak song), thank you for infusing smells and colors into words like Kantaap and Liliya rahe ho and turning matlab into mallab, unhone into unne and bahut into baoutiii, lending the required dialect to the setting. But most of all thank you for showing us that one can write a funny script where humor is in built, a part of story telling and not contrived. Barring the ‘Rajesh wets/beds Seema wedding card jokes, shamelessly lifted from the internet, clever lines like ‘Sari pehanane wala topi pehna gaya’ is a comment on a character’s profession and his change of heart besides evoking a genuine laugh. Bravo.

Bareilly Ki Barfi is an interesting take on love triangles with ample twists and turns, worthy of an Abbas Mastan pot boiler, but only a tad more believable. The smart script fixes a flaw just when you point it out. And even if you find something implausible, you go with the flow only because the story is told so well, the characters are so believable and the performances are so exquisite. There you go. I used a big word there, it must mean something.

Ayushmann Khurana inhales and exhales the right amount of desipan and urban swag as an author in Bareilly, uses his charm to keep you engaged in a selfish mean character of Chirag Dubey and cries effectively at a crucial self awareness moment that makes him the true hero of the film. That scene is a winner. Hindi films usually glorify mean behavior in name of humor making it acceptable. Chirag’s mean ways are regularly called out in the movie, ‘aap bahut neech hain’, and are finally fixed in this pre climatic scene, showing us a brilliant character graph, rarely scene in Hindi films.

Kriti Sanon is a revelation. She is the perfect example of what a pretty face can do in Bollywood when not treated like ornaments. She owns the local dialect and is consistent with it.

But the star(s) of the movie are Rajkumar Roy and Seema Bhargav. The lady is poetry in motion. Her body language, her dialogue delivery is on point. Her simple hain, hain ki nahi, awkward social laughs are so true blue UPite that you can’t help but gush about her acting chops. Oh she is such a delight to watch.

In comparison to Ayushmann, Rajkumar Rao has a lot to play with and he brings out every nuance of Pritam Vidrohi as he switches between squeaky voiced simpleton to the baddie with a baritone. There is a scene where he is down and out, and he establishes that, even with his back, as he walks into a local market with droopy shoulders. He suddenly encounters the leading lady. There is role play here. He is expected to be all macho in front of her. The camera set on his back catches his face as he turns around and instantly the sagging shoulders perk up, the face looking bewildered and playing all cool. That moment shows what an incredible actor Rajkumar is. The sheer vulnerability when he says, ‘Meri Ma ke alawa mujhe koi pasand nahi karta’ made me smile and cry at the same time. When his character says, Character pakad ke chall rahe the, you applaud at the smart pun in the line. I think I didn’t say it enough- he is brilliant!!

Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari after giving us an adorable Nil Batte Sanatta weaves magic once again with her crisp direction, this time making it more commercial. The incredible editor Chandrashekhar Prajapati as always manages to keep the length of the film in check.

Bareilly Ki Barfi is a delicious film brilliantly narrated in Javed Akhtar’s voice. If you are not doing anything this weekend, go watch it. If you are already engaged, please cancel your engagements and go and watch it.

Toilet Ek Prem Katha Review

Toilet Ek Prem Katha

Director- Shree Narayan Singh

Starring- Akshay Kumar, Bhumi Pedneker, Divyendu Sharma and Anupam Kher

Rating- Read

 

After exhausting most causes of friction in a love story; social status, different career choices or personalities, director Shree Narayan Singh has come up with a rather interesting antagonist- Toilet in and as Toilet- Ek Prem Katha. Toilet here is only symbolic to mindsets of the conservative and corrupt political officials.

It’s a great idea to build a love story to address a social issue but one can’t help but notice the political agenda behind a film like this. Too many references to Swach Bharat, The Prime Minister of the country and even demonetization make you question the real intention of the film.

The first half of the film as most Hindi films celebrates a stalker of a lover, who sneakily takes pictures of the lady he loves, making her feel uncomfortable. What’s even more appalling was to see the audiences reel in laughter when the heroine is teased in the film. That is the irony of our lives, when Akshay Kumar does it on the screen, we find it funny, and when it adds to the rape culture of our country, when a road side Romeo teases the women in our families, it then becomes a tragedy. The heroine finally calls the bad behavior out, alas, to fall in love with him the next moment. Wow that makes so much sense.

The second half of the film brings the real issue. The village is rightly called ‘Mandgaon’ where people fear change and support defecating in the open in fields in name of tradition. In the process the film throws sarkar and sanskriti in lazy collages without actually delving into the history of no-toilet-at-home tradition or fleshing out details of the government scams. The ending is both hasty and unconvincing. The old fashioned women of the village suddenly have a change of heart. They abruptly support Jaya in her mission and cause a revolution. Even the patriarchal father comes around rather rapidly. He had to. After all they had to end the film.

The film is also a bundle of contradictions. On one hand it stands up for women and their rights. There is a dialogue when Keshav (Akshay Kumar) says aurat dhoti hain kya jo main use sambhalu, a sharp attack at this stupid notion of controlling your wife. On the other it makes rather distasteful jokes at women. A husband hoping his wife to fall in gutter or dialogues likebhabhi jawaan ho gayi, doodh ki dookan ho gayi are both forced and unfunny.

The film however packs some very convincing performances. Akshay is pretty much at home territory playing the crass, crude village boy. His bachche ki jaan lega casual dialogue delivery works for a character like Keshav. Though he doesn’t look anywhere close to 36 as suggested in the film, but he definitely looks convincing in an emotional scene where he helplessly breaks down in front of his family.

Bhumi Pednekar is such a refreshing change in fashion parade of ornamental Bollywood beauties. She owns the lines, gets the dialect right and delivers a cocker of a performance.

Sudhir Pandey and Divyendu Sharma as Keshav’s stubborn father and dutiful brother are good too. Ayesha Raza Mishra, our Indu chichi from Dil Dhadakne Do makes for a convincing Brajbhashi mother. Her body language and her dialogue delivery, show her stupendous range as an actor.

Toilet ek prem katha might have sounded great on paper, but loses impact in its telling. The film gets way too loopy and indulgent that I actually heard someone say ‘What crap man!’ aptly summing up a film called Toilet.

Munna Michael Review

Munna Michael

Director- Sabbir Khan

Starring- A wax model, a tiny waist line and One Man Acting Workshop

Rating- 5 Panadols

 Ronit Roy plays Michael. He finds an abandoned baby boy on the road, brings him home and calls him Munna. The baby is then called Munna Michael. It is this creative thinking that lends this movie a special edge. The film abounds with such gems. Like the dance reality show is called Dancing Star and wait for this one, an airline is called Just Fly. By the way if you haven’t yet figured out, you are reading this review on a screen. You have eyes. And you are alive. Captain Obvious Zindabad!!

So Munna Michael grows up to become his own wax model; Munna Mombatti. He loves his father so much that he leaves his ailing papa in Mumbai and goes to Delhi. Such love, I choked on my popcorn. What’s wrong with Papa, we have no clue. Anyway Munna Mombatti becomes BFFs with the One Man Acting Institute Mahinder played by Nawazudin Siddique, who wants to be a dancer so that he can impress a girl he loves. Why does he love her? Because she has blow-dried hair. That’s it. No questions asked, Mombatti becomes Acting Institute’s dance instructor, his wingman and his personal DHL service, delivering gifts to blow-dried hair. Blow-dried hair is not even once asked if she is interested or not. She shouldn’t be, because Lipstick under My Burkha is running in the next theatre.

Blow Dried Hair has her own struggles. She has a papa who disapproves her dancing. Yeah there are just too many pappas here man, don’t even ask. Though we never get to see Blow-dried Hair’s father but we must believe that he exists, like how we believe that the film has a plot and that the lead pair can act.

Blow Dried Hair falls in love with Munna Mombatti. Shit comes crashing down as Acting Institute finds out about their affair. His face becomes the Times Square of different billboards flashing such range of emotions; anger, betrayal, menace. Oh ho, short of shoving down his NSD degree our throats, Nawaz does everything to establish how upset he is.

We also switch cities from Mumbai to Delhi and back with a brochure song in Jordan. Brown Landscapes? YES! Hero wears a white shirt? YES!! Heroine wears a long red dress. HELL YESS!!!!

Oh also, there is some dance competition in the background, the judge of which, Farah Khan mouths WOWWWWW with such fake enthusiasm that Nepotism feels like a real problem. To Varun, Saif and Karan at least.

Tiger Shroff is earnest, dances well but needs to break his fixed deposit with Sabbir Khan that’s lending him no returns at all. He has done 4 films so far, 3 of which come from the same director who has depth of a saucer.

Ronit Roy hams as a Catholic father, like all Catholic characters in Hindi films. He drinks and forces an English word in a sentence to justify the cross he wears; aaiye, miliye mere SON se…tu ja apne DREAMS ko poora kar. Burp!

I feel sorry for the newcomer Nidhhi Agerwal who gets such a shabby film to start her career with.

What’s frustrating is Nawazuddin’s presence in such insipid films. It’s like directors use him to justify the mediocrity they churn out in name of movies. After Freaky Ali, Te3n and Raees, Munna Michael shows once again how we let one of the finest actors of our country down, by making him ham time and again to gain a few stupid laughs.

Dear Nawaz, you don’t need to prove you are a great actor. You just need to choose wise buddy.

After this ordeal, I want to bleach my eyes, my system with some good movies. Any suggestion guys?

Tubelight Review

Tubelight

Starring- Salman Khan, Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub and Om Puri

Director- Kabir Khan

Rating- Read

 

Besides the theme of ‘faith moving mountains’ Tubelight is a sharp and a smart comment on present day’s twisted definition of nationalism. What’s even smarter is the way director Kabir Khan has merged the biggest superstar of the country with a character of a simpleton to put his point forward. Salman Khan plays the gullible Laxman aka Tubelight. He is like the alien in PK; innocent, not worldly and neutral enough to effectively show that screaming slogans for one’s country doesn’t make you a true blue patriot. The scene where Laxman and the little boy Guo (pun definitely intended) scream ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ to show their patriotism, subtly and smartly exposes how superficial this new wave of nationalism is.

 

Tubelight is largely copied from 2015 release Little Boy, where a young son’s faith brings his father back from the war. Salman Khan replaces the son whose father is replaced by a brother played by Sohail Khan and the entire story is based on how Laxman’s faith brings his brother back from the Indo-China war in 1962.

Despite a tongue in cheek dig at the country’s hottest debate, Kabir Khan makes it way too simplistic. For instance there is a typewriter placed unnecessary in the frame to shove it down our throats that it’s set in 1962.  Or the main protagonist Laxman forgets to zip up his pants, highlighting his naïve character. And then there is a string of too many songs; happy, festive and sad, highlighting every emotion in the film with neon colors.

It’s rather intriguing how Kabir Khan keeps it so subtle and yet so simplistic. Like the Chicken Song in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, that was a dig at the government’s decision of banning beef in the country, Tubelight has some clever scenes too. The scene where fake news of Chinese taking over, spread like wild fire and nobody seems to double check is written smartly. It hints at how we consume news on social media and believe all the forwards that we receive.

And despite all this the movie manipulates to evoke smiles, tears and most of all laughs. The scene where Laxman goes on an honesty spree, though contextual, seems like a forced attempt to make the film entertaining.

The film packs some heartwarming performances. My eyes welled up every time I saw Om Puri on the screen. We will miss such an honest, endearing actor. The scene where he calls Laxman different and not retarded is a reminder of how everyone is unique and should be accepted as is.

Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub plays the obnoxious Narayan. I hated him. And I mean that only as a compliment. He mocks and ridicules Laxman, he instigates the crowd against Chinese and he nails it in every scene. He is one of the most underrated actors and I hope filmmakers wake up to his genius and use him often.

Salman keeps it very basic while playing the man child. He almost looks awkward, however there are a couple of scenes where he breaks down and you do feel Laxman’s pain.

Martin as the little kid and the Chinese actress Zhu Zhu are good too.

Writing a review for a Salman Khan film is like having an opinion on Arnab Goswami’s show. Like really? Is anyone even listening?

Minus the melodrama and manipulation, the film effectively deals with the theme of faith, love and tolerance and it means so much, especially when it comes from the most loved star in the country.

Hindi Medium Review

Hindi Medium

Director- Saket Choudhary

Starring- Irrfan Khan, Saba Qamar and Deepak Dobrial

Rating- 2

Hi I am Pia Batra, that little girl you saw in the trailer of Hindi Medium, whose school admission story forms the plot of the film. My mother Mita Batra is an always blaming, spelling shaming, and drug scaring mom. She is a bit…err…weird. Like she paints me, first with Odomos and then smears me with sunscreen. And mind you it’s winters. Sunblock in winters is like logic in Hindifilms, pointless. But all of it is imperative. These are the quirks that delude filmmakers into creating a character. My father has special traits too. He has a sari-lehnga shop that he calls a fashion studio; you know the typical middle class syndrome that we all have. And that’s the reason my mom goes from Mita/Mithu to Honey, an endearing term meant exclusively for the elite.

So before I get admitted into a school, I get admitted to different strata of the society; from a humble middle class house in Chandani Chowk to a villa in Vasant Vihar and then to a slum in Bharat Nagar. I felt like Dev Patel, Slumdog millionaire in reverse!

My parents even get in touch with an expensive consultant, who conducts classes in various subjects, including English. She is pretty and pretty anglicized. And then I heard her say ‘revert back’ that made the grammar Nazi in me commit suicide.

Our shift to the slums is just a way to get admission in our choice of school through Gareebi quota, but hey that can wait! When you are in the slums, what do you do? Tada!!! Manipulate!!Gareebi Dikhao, audience rulao!!

I sit in corner of my dilapidated house. My mother fights some serious fights over ration andpaani. There are rats and mosquitoes and dengue and chicken guinea and all kinds of poor things that are thrown in, in perfect measure till you reach out for a box of tissues. Aur toh aur, my father even starts working in a factory. I had reached a funny- kuchBhiDotCom turn of my life. So did the audiences. At this point I can’t decide if my parents are sweet or stupid. All this drama so that I can mouth a few lines in English? I wanted to devour the Oxford Dictionary or get my parents introduced to Kangana Ranaut and Kapil Sharma.

Slums are fun because we have Shyam uncle better known as Pappi ji from Tanu Weds Manu. He plays his character with such earnestness that it will win your heart. I secretly wished if he was my father, instead of Irrfan-now-with-a-double-R-Khan. He seemed more sorted and integral and tots won my heart when he hugged his son telling him he was the luckiest person ever. Sniff sniff. Actually he reminds me of my father from a decade ago. Deepak Dobrial is the new humble, poor Irrfan Khan, after all papa can’t play Billo Barber kind of roles any longer. He has done Hollywood films bhai…and even dated Deepika Padukone in a film.

But my father earns applause for putting some sense, some credibility in the climatic speech onHindi/English medium.

So between a poorly directed Hindi Medium and Arjun Kapoor’s broken English in Half Girlfriend, you really don’t have much of a choice. I feel you buddy.

A Gentleman Review

A Gentleman

Director- Go Goa Gone and Shor in the City waale

Actors- Washboard abs

Rating- Meh nahi khel raha

The film begins with Gaurav’s and Rishi’s stories running parallel, beautifully differentiated with a slight change of expression; Mr. Constipated Smile, upside down, turns into intensity personified Mr. Frown.

Constipated Smile is a safe guy. Writers have given him such subtle quirks, like he drives under speed limits, cooks and respects everyone. He even has an OCD, keeps arranging things in their place at his work station. Gosh, such depth, worthy of my soup bowl!!

You instantly learn that Constipated Smile is a Sales guy because he strings words like ‘graph’ ‘demands’ ‘market’ and other such meaningless jargon in a sentence like a pro. Wow such insights into the corporate world.

But he needs a foil. So let’s introduce the baddie. Opening shot? Hey hey hey, no points for guessing, it’s our shirtless wonder, displaying abs, flexing muscles, like he was not in a movie but in a Sauna Belt ad. Pehle main acha actor tha. Kapoor and Sons mein sensitive performance di thi…par jab se mujhe yeh film mili hain hain…tab se mere abs bhi express karte hain…actually sirf wahi express karte hain!!

Constipated and Frowny’s lives converge and become one. This is the highlight of the film, especially for those who believe in unicorns and claim to have spotted UFOs in their backyards.

Then there is a lot that the film offers; modern offices, smooth Miami roads, pristine beaches, fancy cars, a gorgeous house in the US, an Ikea sofa, Crate and Barrel dining table and the leading lady. Sorry I don’t mean to use Jacqueline and furniture in the same sentence especially when they are so different. The latter can emote.

Speaking of emotions, we have one expression miracle, Suneel Shetty. He plays the colonel and is at loggerheads with our very own Baddie Frowny. You might not know exactly why, but if you don’t doze off, you would hear some grave words like National Security Council, arms deal,desh ke liye mar mito…blah blah!

There is also a hard drive that has some confidential information of some illegal transactions that adds to the plot of the film. Sorry my bad, I am using unimportant words like plot. But the film engages you so much that you find yourself rooting for the hero, hoping this hard drive to reach the right hands soon, so that the film can end and you can go home.

The dialogues are both funny and emotional. At a point, someone addresses a character named Dikshit as Dick-shit, a joke we thought but didn’t bother to crack when Tezab released in late 1980s. And when the writers thought the movie was losing its soul, they made Gaurav mouth some sentimental lines like, mere ghar, mera sapna, choti si simple zindagi. Beware you will choke on your popcorn!!

Siddharth Malhotra and Jacqueline Fernandez are earnest. They genuinely put efforts trying to make sense of this enigmatic script. Incompetence direction and just lazy writing doesn’t give them any scope to salvage this pointless exotic, brochure of Miami.

A Gentleman was a gentle reminder of all other exciting things one can do this weekend, like bury your face in your bed and sleep.

Mom Review

Mom

Director- Ravi Udyawar

Starring- Sridevi, Nawazudin Siddique and Akshay Khanna

Rating- 3 stars

Mom can be viewed in so many ways.

-Yet another revenge story.

-An emotional journey of a mom.

-A moral dilemma, a debate on taking law in hand.

Let me elaborate on each aspect.

 

Mom is story of a mother settling scores with her daughter’s rapists. The film that starts on a very powerful note, falters a bit as a thriller. It doesn’t pack any clever scheming or flawless planning. There are no on the edge, nail biting sequences where danger looms large. It gets a bit too simplistic in that department and you think to yourself Drishyam was a far better thriller that kept us guessing all through and blew us away with one of the best endings in a desi thriller ever.

 

But Mom scores high on the emotional front. I admit crime against women affects me deeply, so I am not sure if I was biased, or that it was good writing, sharp direction or fabulous performances or all of the above, that made me cry uncontrollably in the first half an hour of the movie. The director doesn’t resort to any manipulation to titillate audiences. The top shot of the car on deserted wintry streets of Delhi in which a young girl’s modesty is intruded conveys the tragedy effectively.

The first emotional half the movie derails in the second half. Slow motion shots of the main protagonist to unnecessarily highlight her heroism and forced dialogues stand in sharp contrast to the otherwise real texture of the film. “God couldn’t be everywhere hence he created moms” is such an old Archies Greetings card message that seemed so out of place in the movie.

Even a couple of lines by Nawazudin might evoke a smile but one can easily see they are written only for that, not contributing much to the story.

 

However it’s the amazing performances that keep the audiences invested in the characters.

Sridevi completes her third century and 5 decades of her innings with Mom. The scene where she breaks down to see her daughter in the hospital shows why she has lasted so long in the industry.

 

The Pakistani actress Sajal Ali shows promise as well. She plays the angry cold teenager with a lot of precision and conviction.

 

Another Pakistani actor Adnan Siddiqui also plays a helpless father rather well.

 

Akshay Khanna plays the Crime branch officer, the oddest character in the movie. Instead of investigating into the case and running after the criminals, he spies on the victims when he becomes suspicious of them taking revenge.

 

Nawazuddin Siddique has layers not only in his character or make up but even in his performance. He lends interesting quirks to his character of a Shiv devotee, like flicking his tongue like a snake or donning huge sunglasses so typical of detectives.

 

Despite all my empathy towards the victims, a small part in me debated if taking law in hands is the right thing to do or even promote in a film. The minor boy who rapes his classmate is also raped in jail. Isn’t that tragic too? But Mom is not Pink. It’s not a commentary on the society’s patriarchal mindset or on an immediate need of gender equality. It is an emotional story of a mother getting even with a bunch of criminals.

 

A Death In The Gunj Review

A Death In The Gunj

Director- Konkana Sen Sharma

Starring – Vikrant Massey, Ranvir Shorey, Kalki Koechlin, Om Puri and Tanuja

Rating- I don’t think I am even qualified or capable of encapsulating this gem in a number. But this is my first 5 stars in last 5 years that I have been reviewing films.

A death in the Gunj starts with two men adjusting a dead body in the trunk of the car. ‘Maybe if we bend the knees and keep the body in foetal position?’ They discuss nonchalantly. This is a powerful scene as this insensitivity sets the tone of the film and prepares us for what’s in store.

Shyamal (who doesn’t like being introduced as Shuttu) is a 23 year old sensitive man who has lost his father. A brilliant student otherwise, he has failed in his exams. He is visiting his aunt and uncle (Tanuja and Om Puri) with his cousins, Nandu (Gulshan Dewaiah), Bonnie didi (Tilotama Shome) and his niece Tani (Arya Sharma). There are Vikram (Ranvir Shorey), Brian (Jim Sarbh) and Mimmie (Kalki Koechlin) as family friends, sometimes playing the audience to his tragedy, sometimes adding to it.

Never in a Hindi film before has a title been so powerful. A Death in The Gunj prompts danger, an impending tragedy. We see it creepily crawl on us right in the beginning of the film as this young bunch tries to call spirits in a dark room, playing a practical prank on poor Shuttu.

We hope against an accident, when Shuttu tries to drive a car under his cousin’s supervision or outshine the bully, Vikram in a seemingly harmless game of Kabbadi.

We almost see ‘the death in the gunj’ in the pre climactic scene when Shuttu comes face to face with a wolf. Death looms large. It seems to sneak up on Shuttu and us from the outside. How and if it arrives in the climax of the film, is the crux of this heartbreaking film on repression and neglect.

Shuttu is let down, one by one, by everyone in the family.

Maushi Bakshi knows about Shuttu’s bad performance in his exams and calls it ‘weird irresponsible behavior’ and presses him to call his mother against his will. She asks him to go back to his mother without asking him even once what’s bothering him.

Everyone turns to Shuttu for small chores. In a scene at the lunch table, Shuttu feels excited sitting next to Mimmie, the girl he likes. At that very moment Bonnie asks him to pass her the shawl. He reluctantly leaves and loses the seat to Vikram, Mimmie’s ex. In another scene Mimmie flirts, ‘Do you have time for a girlfriend?’ when Maushi summons Shuttu to fetch her some custard. Heartbreaking.

Vikram, one of the family friends, is mean to Shuttu and adds to his misery. Cousin Nandu expects him to toughen up, because 23 year old men don’t sulk, they get married. There is a tear-jerker of a scene where Shuttu is seen digging his face into the wall and bawling his eyes out in the middle of the night. Nandu sees Shuttu struggle, walks him to bed but doesn’t even once ask him why he was crying. He doesn’t even mention it to anyone in the family. It’s right in front of him. It doesn’t get more obvious than that, that, Shuttu needs help. It’s at this point when the film becomes so universal, a subtle hint at how we abandon our loved ones.

Tani who is regularly neglected by her parents bonds with Shuttu over dead moths and ants, over sketching and poems. Even Tani turns her face away from Shuttu towards the end? Why? Because Shuttu, for once, puts his needs before her demands.

Tani’s mother Bonnie is keyed into Shuttu’s sensitive world. She tells everyone to go easy on him and she turns bitter too as she holds him responsible for a brief tragedy that strikes the family.

Shuttu finds some solace in love. He makes passionate love to the girl he is attracted to, without realizing that he is just a rebound for her. From ‘do you have time for a girlfriend’ to ‘you should concentrate on studies’, Mimmie causes an insensitive, an irrepairable heartbreak.

Even the house help are condescending. In one scene, the servant, Maniya finds Shuttu fallen in a ditch, instead of showing any sympathy, he asks him why he was hiding there, like it was some hobby.

The film’s success lies in its subtlety and real treatment. Shuttu is nursing a tragedy, the demise of his father. At no point the film manipulates your emotions. There are no black and white flashbacks of Shuttu’s childhood with his father, collaging in and out on the screen. It’s not a Rakesh Om Prakash film or Imtiaz Ali’s recent Jab Stardom met Boredom, where flashbacks happen without any rhyme or reason. In fact we don’t even see Shuttu’s father at all. All we see is his sweater that Shuttu hugs and wears and a black and white picture in his wallet, that are enough to stir emotions within us.

The film scores high on atmospherics as well. You are transported to 1979 winters. The house, the furniture, even a Rubik’s cube, everything is used so evocatively in the film.

I particularly enjoyed how Konkana Sen Sharma breaks stereotypes around women. Mothers are expected to look or behave a certain way in our films and society. When they don’t, they are tagged as smart/fast or sluts. Heroines in order to challenge biases are shown drinking and smoking. They are shown as promiscuous. That, on one hand works, as it breaks away from the repression. On the other, it becomes superficial, unnecessarily glorifying some vices. A Death In The Gunj is subtle. Grand moms have short hair, women drink and smoke as naturally as men without ever making it look like a statement or rebellion. It’s so casually natural, like how it should be.

A death in the gunj also hints at class divides. Bakshi family and friends make merry celebrating New Year’s. The scene is smartly juxtaposed with the house help eating dinner from the same plate as the family’s dog.

Konkana strikes gold and shows how sharp and precise a director she is, getting such nuanced performances from such a delightful pool of talent she deals with.

Everyone in the film is remarkable but the central character Vikrant Massey is a class apart. He uses his smile, eyes, body language to give you valuable insights into his vulnerability without ever making it too dramatic or in your face. The last scene where he helplessly apologizes through his gritting teeth is a visual that will haunt me for months.

A Death In The Gunj is one of the most sensitive films ever made. It made me think about my childhood and my family. It makes you look around and see if you have deserted a loved one, especially when someone tried to reach out to you in their vulnerable times. I felt a knot in my stomach, fought tears as I walked to the parking lot, couldn’t sleep for next 2 nights and made sure I checked on my family and friends regularly.

I don’t think I can ever say it enough, but, please watch the movie whenever you get an opportunity; on the internet, on a plane or most deservedly on the big screen.

SpiceKlub, Mankhool, Dubai

Last week, I was desperately waiting to be invited for a Christmas Dinner. None. Zilch. Zolly. I even invited myself to a friend’s Christmas party and she was quick to mention, ‘Yeah but what will you do? The menu is all non vegetarian dude!’

Sigh. Baba.

Two days later, I took mom to SpiceKlub, a vegetarian restaurant that serves the latest food fad of molecular gastronomy. I wanted to speed dial my friend and stick out my vegetarian tongue at her and spam her timeline with pictures from the restaurant. Ok I am digressing.

I had tried and loved Spiceklub in Mumbai and wondered if the Dubai version would come any close. It did and how!

SpiceKlub in a line serves only vegetarian food, their progressive fusion menu bursting with both variety and flavors. (Dude they more than 25 starters to offer, so many options that my brain felt a bit indecisively dizzy, which one to choose and which one to skip!) The best thing about the restaurant is that it’s progressive menu at a very affordable price.

Here’re a few things I tried and recommend-

1. Mango On The Rocks (Popcorn more like ;)), 25 AED
   
   A drink that converts mango pulp into fluffy popcorn with liquid nitrogen, mixed with warm mango juice. Honestly I squinted my eyes at the first sip, I hungrily downed the drink in the last few sips. It’s an interesting take on a Mango drink that might give Katrina’s slice a complex!!

2. Complimentary Dips 
What I particularly loved about these dips was the fact that it had ‘Jain’ options as well (dips without onions and garlic!)
Starting from left and going in clockwise direction, this is what you see in the pic-
(The Jain dips-)
a) Chunda Mango Murabba
b) Red Cabbage Dip- It had walnuts in it, that gave it a delicious texture.
c) Tamarind Chutney
d) Green Chutney
(The Non Jain Dips-)
e) Black Olives with Chilies (my favorite in the lot!)
f) 5 Vegetables Mix
g) Radish Dip- that came with yogurt, mayonnaise and once again a strong texture of walnuts
h) Chili and Garlic Dip

3. Naanza, 32 AED

I loved the naan-pizza take on this. It was very similar to a dish I make at home where I make pizzas out of Peta breads. Mini Naans packed cottage cheese and topped with cheese and served as pizzas…oops I mean Nan-zas! 😉

This is what you see inside- a layer of Paneer. Slurps* 

 

4. Deconstructed Dhokla, AED 32 

Ok so there is a LOT going on here-

a) The green foams you see are coriander foam balls.
b) There is also Spicy Dhokla foam.
c) There is frozen coconut chutney.
d) And you also see Mango slices.

Mix them all up and your Dhokla is ready for consumption. Honestly I did miss my good old Dhokla topped with green chili and mustard seeds.

5. Vegetables and Beetroots Spheres AED 35

Tasty. Tasty. Very Tasty. It’s a very smart take on good old Hara Bhara Kebabs, by taking vegetable dumplings and filling them up with Beetroot and Cheese. I popped all three balls to my mom’s much bemusement. 

This is what it looks when you poke into it. Yes this is what happiness looks like 🙂

 

6. Gandheri Kebabs AED 35

Gandheri stands for sugarcane. This dish serves our very own Paneer, mixed with Indian spices and wrapped around Sugarcane skewers. So bite on the cottage cheese and eat the sugarcane skewer at the end of it. Came with spicy chutney in a super cute Hawkins miniature, so the spicy chutney balanced out the sugarcane sweetness.

Spice Klub mainly boasts of interesting starters, drinks and desserts. They play to the gallery when it comes to the Main Course. I ordered two dishes-

7. Veg Kohlapuri, AED 40

I found the vegetables (mainly beans) a bit under-cooked, but I loved the spicy onion, tomato gravy! The red chili tadka makes it even tastier!

 

8. Kaju Methi Malai Mutter, AED 40

My mother loved it. The dish was a great mix of cashew nuts, green peas and fenugreek (Methi ke daane) and it had khoya based gravy. Rich and creamy and drool worthy!!

9. For Breads, I settled for-

a) Gluten Free Rotis AED 12 

b) Sun-dried Tomatoes and Black Olive Naan AED 17

And then we witnessed some food art in their deserts as well. Must try-

10. Bubbling Kulfi AED 55 

Our good old Indian Kulfi came as little rocks, stone cold at some godforsaken -180 degrees or so. But when mixed with a variety of toppings; caviar, salted caramel, chocolate, rabri and berries mix, it was the most sinful delight on the table. With every spoon, my heart sank a notch deeper, dreading it would be over soon. And so it was…to be followed by yet another interesting dessert…

11. Flower Pot AED 48 

This tastes as fancy as it looks. A flower pot made of Belgian couverture chocolate that held the amazing sinful combination of Rasmalai and Saffron Mousse. The dish was also topped with chocolate soil and served on a bed of pistachio soil. Your tongue will come alive counting the number of flavors packed in this pot!!

There are many things working for Spice Klub

• Its decor- it’s kitsch, quirky and oh so desi!! The cushions, the cycle tyres on the ceiling add a fun touch to the restaurant!
  
  
• Its location- It’s located in Mankhool, so our dear Bur Dubai dwellers don’t have to drive too long distances, just hop skip and jump and lo! you are there!!
• Its pricing- It serves good molecular gastronomical delights at a relatively competitive price.

  Popularity I feel is the best endorsement for any place. Before I knew, the restaurant had already filled up to its capacity. Looking at so many people around, I knew I had chosen well!!
  You must try it with family. Call them up- 04 393 1233.

 

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Dishoom Review

Dishoom

Director- Dumbhead.

Actors- Dumbbells.

Rating-Dumbstruck.

Spoiler alert. That the movie is a spoiler.

Grave situation. The Indian captain Viraj (wow how creative) is kidnapped. Hence a mountain of Whey Protein (John Abraham) is hired from India. He is given a jar of Creatine (Varun Dhawan) to help him through the case.

The boys start their work. They meet the funny man Vijayraj.

Why? Good laughs bro.  Good laughs. What is a good Hindi film that cannot derail, stop for a while, sip a cola, enjoy some popcorn and have some good laughs? Does he make you laugh? NO!

Then Whey Mountain and Creatine Jar meet the Human Italian Marble, white and expressionless- Nargis Fakri. Why? Why? Glamour bro. What is a good Hindi film that cannot titillate its audiences with some skin show, bro! We are a nation that is so frigging deprived that we would get excited to see a Donald Duck in a bikini. This is toh Nargis Fakri bro!! And mind you, her bikini shot is justified haan, before you screw my brains with your feminist objectification of women blah blah. She is rich. Rich people have pools. They have to swim. They have to wear swimsuit. Wow, that makes sense, but does she give any leads? NO!

Then the boys get down to serious business and meet Akshay Kumar in his den, which houses many naked men who look like different versions of our very own Whey Mountan and Creatine Jar. Err…why? Why? Why? Gay jokes bro. What is a good Hindi film that cannot crack lame, unfunny, unoriginal gay jokes, stolen from the internet? Also how else do you justify Whey and Creatine’s bare bodies? 18 pack abs banaye hain bhai. Does Akshay give any information? Yes. That he made the Guinness book of world record in taking the poutiest, weirdest selfie with the missing Captain, Viraj. Wow, do they make any progress?

Hell yes. They meet another Italian Marble Lookalike, as pouty and anglicized (Jacqueline Fernandez). She has a heartbreaking back story though. Her father married again after her mom’s demise. Hence she ran away from her home. Awww that’s sad. Sad, that the father didn’t slap her and knock some sense into this dope of a pick pocket’s head. She has an IQ of Einstein though. She had seen the kidnapper, Altaf. She describes that he looked like John Abrahim; same eyes, same face and sundry. The kidnapper is Rahul Dev.

This is Rahul dev.

This is John Abraham.

 

Pause.

Err.

Never Mind.

Altaf is a Pashtun. Pashtun stays in Abbudin. Italian Marble Part 2 tells Whey and Creatine that she will take them to Abbudin. Why? Why? Why? They are police officers. They can go on their own. Item number bro. Who will do an item number in Abbudin with locals? What is a good Hindi film that doesn’t objectify women in a sensational, gyrating item number? Come on, sing with me, Sau taraf ke…rog le lu…yeah yeah!?!?

Whey and Creatine track Altaf down but the big boss kills him before he reveals information about the missing captain. So the big boss kills Whey and Creatine as well? NO! Why? Why? WHYYYY? Logic bro. What is a good Hindi film that makes any logical sense?

But I admit, the film has some real gems man. The collar of a dog’s leash is attached with a camera that has the longest lasting battery and has such clarity that Bhansali saab is planning to use it in his next film. Then there is this Indian Captain who locates and dislocates his shoulder to sometimes hit boundaries on the field and then sometimes wriggle out of a bomb jacket off the field. Wow, how talented!! Also the bomb jacket defies any rules of buoyancy.

Akshay Khanna makes a comeback as a baddie and nails it yet again. He is the only saving grace of the film. Umm…maybe not. Nothing could really save this dumb-dishoom-dah! The film also marks the debut of Parineeti Chopra’s brand new waist line. The first shot of ‘Jaaneman Ah’ is of her midriff that celebrates her pizza less days at the gym.

If you can suspend belief, surgically detach your brains, laugh at illogical buffoonery that rolls out in the name of humor, then my dear friend, you DON’T need to watch this film. You need help.

In sympathy.
With hugs and prayers.

Lokesh.