Review. Dum Laga Ke Haisha.

DIRECTOR: Sharat Kataria
STARRING: Ayushmann Khurrana, Bhumi Pednekar
RATING: 3.5 stars

In eighties and nineties when the gareeb Raju fell in love with Seth Dhanpat Rai ki ameer ladki Dolly, none of the lead characters ever internalised the situation. It seemed Dolly was born to shift into Raju’s humble jhopdi and wash his underwear and Raju was destined to sing love songs for her in a pitch perfect voice.

When filmmakers exhausted all ideas of friction — be it villains, parents, class or religion — we had professional choices causing much trouble in our lovers’ paradise, Love Aaj Kal being the shining example. But very rarely are the matters of love internalised in our Hindi films. The hero is always six-pack-abed and the heroine a Vogue supermodel.

Dum Laga Ke Haisha, thankfully, deals with it differently.

Now close your eyes. (Okay, not really or else you won’t be able to read further.) But imagine a typical YashRaj film heroine: gorgeous face, perfect make up, designer clothes and hourglass figures, a species usually found in the Alps. Dum Laga Ke Haisha breaks the typical mold and presents Sandhya who is well educated, ambitious but horizontally challenged!

Prem Tiwari (Ayushmann-Roadies–bana-hero-Khurrana) is forced to marry Sandhya. Besides being ashamed of a fat wife, he is also tenth fail and hence has a huge complex. It’s one of those rare times when the Hindi film hero is so flawed that he looks real, human and one of us.

Dum Laga Ke Haisha starts with the YRF logo against Sanu’s nasal crooning, replacing Lata Mangeshkar’s vocals and you know the film will be a sweet tribute to the music of the nineties.

The film on the whole is a tribute to that era. If you love to read those Scoopwoop, Buzzfeed stories on 30-things-you-relate-to-if-you-are-a-kid-of-the-90s, you would love DLKH too! It’s a collection of all things nineties — a Bajaj scooter, Jaipuri print duvets, the landlines, the cassette players, the VHS tapes, the missed calls for a we-have-reached-safe-messages and vanilla pastries on birthdays. And then there is Haridwar, its simple people with simpler problems speaking the adorable Khariboli, walking the narrow lanes, a big family trying to pack into a Maruti van. Director Sharat Kataria creates a charming world where everything is so beautifully woven into the narrative that nothing in the film looks manipulative or contrived.

Ayushmann Khurrana redeems himself after that hideous Hawaizaada and nails it in DLKH. Ayushmann lends empathy to Prem and makes it almost endearing. The new girl Bhumi is gorgeous! She smiles, argues, flirts, slaps, gets angry and gets each and every emotion so right that the lines between Bhumi and Sandhya simply blur.

But the real stars of DLKH are the supporting cast. I am so happy they didn’t take a star actor to play Prem’s father. Sanjay Mishra doesn’t play Chandrabhan Tiwari. He is so good that he becomes Chandrabhan Tiwari. Seema Bhargav, Alka Amin are so good that they create the good old Hum Log atmosphere with such ease and charm. But Sheeba Chaddha as Prem’s buaji is the best in the movie. Her fake smile, her sarcasm, her taunts and the ease with which she does it make this character the most fun and most believable in the movie!!

The film, however, has a few unnecessary subplots; like The Shakah, a fascist group that doesn’t add much except light-hearted humour. A few scenes try too hard to evoke laughs, like Prem and Sandhya playing their favourite Kumar Sanu songs on the tape recorder or the lawyer convincing Sandhya’s family for a divorce. But these are small problems in an otherwise simple story told so beautifully. Watch it with family. It gives a free nostalgic trip to the world of scooters, video audio tapes and landline phones and everything nineties.

WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN

5 stars: Loved it. (This could make to top ten movies you must watch before you die!) 
4 stars: Liked it. Recommend it. (This will help you sound intellectual and give you stuff to add at water cooler conversations.)
3 stars: Didn’t hurt. Watch it once. 
2 stars: It put me to sleep. Watch it if you are an insomniac or a newly wedded couple. Winks!
1 star: Do I even need to explain this?

This is my weekly review for Masala! Here-

http://www.masala.com/movie-review-dum-laga-ke-haisha-193473.html?page=2

Mr. X review

Mr. X

Director- Vikram-I-dated-Sushmita-Sen-Bhatt

Starring- Emran-hell-yeah-I-am-kissing-in-this-film-too-Hashmi, Amyra-yaar-no-item-number-for-me-Dastur and Tanmay-I-am-also-a-Bhatt-Bhatt

Rating- 1.5 stars

There is good news. And bad news. Good news; the film ended. Phew!! Bad news; it ended with a possibility of a sequel. Yes Mr. X might strike back. And then back again. And then it will be called Mr. XXX! And then Sunny Leone will have some tough competition.

Mr. X opens with a critical situation where ATD is dealing with a terrorist who has held a bus of innocent people hostage.

The scene has all the clichés in the world-

1. a) Kohl-eyed terrorist.
2. b)      A time bomb with ticking digits in blood red.
3. c)       Blue-green-yellow wires to cut to confuse the little mickey out of you.
4. d)      And of course a bimbette who diffuses the bomb by cutting one of those colorful wires just two seconds before it explodes!

   And then? And then the lead pair kisses. Dah. It’s an Emran Hashmi film.

   There is a very interesting scientific story behind how Emran Hashmi gets invisible in the movie. And trust me it’s not a spoiler. The entire move is.

   A bomb blast is followed by Emran Hashmi rushed to a medical research center where they test medicines on rats. A melodramatic lady is in a white coat for the effect. No one knows if she is a doctor/nurse/compounder/scientist/peon. She is called ‘didi’. Didi has a million expressions on her face; the antithesis of Katrina Kaif. She frowns, twitches her lips nervously and mouths some very very very scientific dialogues-

   “Cellular structures …chemicals…radiations… …white light…red…infra-red …violet…ULTRA violet…” and then something more that she can neither phonetically articulate nor understand. At the end of it she offers (hold your breath for this one) a blue colored test tube that she claims has anti-radiation medicine waiting to be tested on rats, so she is not sure how it will react on Emran Hashmi. With not much option, Emran takes the test tube raises the toast and I kid you not does a full bottoms up with the medicine.

   The results of the medicine served in a test tube are very pleasant though- Emran Hashmi becomes invisible. Trust me he is a far better actor when you can’t see him.

And then there is Amyra Dastur who screams heaves and believes in ‘kanoon ko apne haath mein mat lo’philosophy! She is so dedicated to her job and country that her fiancé can do a Mr. India on everyone doesn’t surprise her wee bit. She even has epic lines in the movie- ‘*heaves* mera kaam hi mujhe *heaves* is sadme se bacha sakta hain sir…*heaves some more*’ She heaves so much I could almost hear ‘race hain saanson ki’ in the background!!

Let’s just say Mr. X is a quarterly deal between the Bhatts and their bhanja with everything typically Vishesh films- hot Chiquita, check, bad CG, check and kissing scenes, hell check!!

My only question to Mr. X was Y! Why in 3 D? No I mean why were you even made?

Watch it only if you are a huge Hashmi fan. (No I am being polite. I don’t mean that!!)

Prego’s At Media Rotana reminded me of my first pizza and a few tears!!

I took my mom to Prego’s for an Italian brunch at Media Rotana last week that turned out to be quite an emotional trip for me.

It reminded me of my first time when I had ‘one full pizza’. I must have been eight or nine. Mom and I were in Deep Market in Ashok Vihar, shopping. I was unwillingly dragged along to shops where my mother haggled, shopkeepers resisted and I was bored out of my skull thinking when that day would end. I was totally unaware of the treat that awaited me at the end of my mom’s ask-price-bargain-bargain-some-more-rip-the-shopkeeper-apart-and-then-strike-gold-deal-ordeal! A PIZZA! ONE FULL PIZZA!!

I had tried pizzas in school once and raved about it to my mom hence she decided to treat me with one. Bansal Sweets had introduced ‘Italian Snacks’ right at the bottom of the last page of their menu. We took our seats in one corner and basked in December Sunshine!! The pizza arrived oozing with Amul cheese. I took huge mouthfuls. Cheese and ketchup dripped all over my clothes, my little hands and mouth barely managing the size of the Italian delicacy. I hadn’t eaten faster in my life. The pizza vanished in a few minutes. The bill finally arrived and it was 60 rupees! 60 RUPEES??? It was an enormous amount my humble middle class family couldn’t afford. It was an amount in which the entire family would enjoy a full dosa-sambar meal. I could do endless rounds of gol-gappas with 60 bucks, down two dozens of samosas or buy the latest Disney land stationary and still be left with enough money to buy a dozen Lays packets and have my newest range of tazos!!  I started crying out of sheer guilt!!

Cut to 2015. It was payback time; take mom to a nice Italian restaurant for an elaborate brunch and relive good old –we-couldn’t-afford-pizzas-days!! We went to-

Prego’s at Media Rotana Tecom, Dubai!

Prego in Italian means ‘you are welcome’ and the restaurant pretty much lives up to its name. The moment I entered I saw happy families with kids, enjoying their brunch on a lazy Friday afternoon and just chilling! A restaurant with so many kids and a not single one of them grumpy was a good reflection of the food they served!! We started with their famous Friday brunch- 199 Aed per person, inclusive soft drinks and juices 299 Aed per person, inclusive standard selected beverages and sparkling bubbly.   One of my favorite starters was- Parmiggiannine Di Melanzane Unlike its name, the dish was really simple. Melanzane is the Italian word for eggplant. Small pieces of bread were topped with eggplant and parmesan cheese. Delicious!! If there was one thing that both my mom and I totally tripped over was their Risotto!! The chef was kind enough to toss three different kinds of mushrooms in our risotto; Porcini, Portobello and another fancy named mushroom that my too Indian mind can’t recollect!! Their Penne pasta was a winner too. I have tried a few brunches in Dubai’s leading restaurants but I always complain about undercooked pastas. At Prego’s the pasta was made just so right, not too soft, not at all undercooked!! Their mammoth sized Calzones oozing with fresh cheese and vegetables or their pizzas topped with fresh farm vegetables; zucchini, onions, olives made me drool all over. They even had quite an elaborate dessert spread!! Cannoli Sicilian (Sicilian pastries rich with nuts), Profitrole Alla Vaniglia and their chocolate Fountain with Condiments; each of their dessert delights left me asking for more. My favorite was Nocciole Alla Crème Brulee!! The texture of hazelnuts and brulee (burnt cream) in one word was – SLURPS!!!! Besides great food, a happy family vibe, Prego’s now offers live entertainment as well. The singer sang so many classics; Eagles, Tina Turner, Shanaia Twain. It took me back on time once again to that wintry afternoon where a 60 rs pizza had me drop my jaws. This time the pure Italian gourmet trip at Prego’s came at a much higher price yet left me with a full tummy and a happy smile!!

For all the other details, log on to their website-

http://www.rotanatimes.com/mediarotana/offers/7646

So Soxy!!

Ranbir Kapoor started it in Wake Up Sid- Geek tees, of all kinds; Beavis and Butthead, Superman, Snoopy, Star wars, Atom Ant and sundry. Besides tees, he even showcased a range of colorful boxers and socks!!

Colorful socks have been in vogue for some time. What’s interesting is that you no longer team them up with funky tees and a pair jeans, the trend is to sport them with your formal suit for a formal event. Your black tie look can look funkier and edgier if a few colors peep out from behind the fold of your black trousers.

This is me at a formal event in a brown full suit with my pair of red-yellow happy socks.

Zoom in and you shall see-

Besides formal shoes, they go well with loafers and semi formal shoes too-

o

And this is my favorite pair, socks that camouflage as shoes too-

And then I picked a pair that had the entire city printed on it, with another pair that are plain block colors-

They might not show well with Chukka boots, but if you fold your jeans/trousers a couple of times, it will work. I have a big range of socks (at least two dozen pairs) that I have tried with all kinds of shoes; Chukka, loafers, formals, sneakers, hip hop shoes or our good old Converse pairs.

Where to get these socks from? 

1. Happy Socks– they had kiosks at a couple of malls. They shut shop at Ibn Batuta Mall. They are now available at Mercato mall, first floor, next to the elevator. They have a good range, from cartoon characters socks to floral designs to stripes and many more.

Price- starts from 50 AED a pair goes upto 75 AED a pair! 

2. Soxy– This is my favorite brand. Find them here- http://www.soxy.com

They do five new designs every month. How cool!! Besides great designs their fabric is the best in business. And they are pretty affordable too; 40 to 80 Aed per pair. I have a few pairs and I follow them on instagram. Highly recommend them!!

3. HotSox– Another favorite brand of mine. Find them on hotsox.com

They take colorful socks to a new level altogether. They have mermaids, coolers and hey even a Monalisa on socks. So So DAMN COOL! This is my favorite pair-

Your feet take you everywhere. Treat them well. Wrap them in happy colors, happier designs, let them breathe, feel happy coz happy feet make happy us!!

Detective Byomkesh Bakshy Review

Detective Byomkesh Bakshy

Director- Dibakar Banerjee

Starring- Sushant Singh Rajput, Anand Tiwari, Swastika Mukherjee and Neeraj Kabi

The pseudo intellectual (look-at-me-I-am-a-critic-I-watch-films-differently) in me is itching to say ‘wow what a plot, what characters, what a film man’ but the simple viewer in me admits ‘maza nahi aya yaar.’

A thriller is supposed to keep you on the edge of your seat, involve you in the case, turn you into a detective and keep you double guessing. Detective Byomkesh Bakshy achieved all of the above alas only so briefly. After a point especially in the second half there were too many characters to remember, too many twists and too many turns that I found myself focusing on my nachos that they dipped well both in cheese and salsa.

But then I am a reviewer yaar. How can I not like a Dibakar Banerjee film especially when it’s based on Byomkesh Bakshy? So let me play safe and comment on the production design, background score, cinematography and all things that make me sound intelligent. It’s true Vandana Kataria has built the 1940s Calcutta like a beautiful painting. Don’t miss the long one shot where Bakshy takes the tram ride and the beautiful old Calcutta bazaar whizzes by and looks oh so delicious.

The cinematographer Nikos Andristsakis (thanks IMBD, I wouldn’t ever get the spelling of his name right otherwise) has brilliantly used lights to create large looming shadows that lend effectively to the mood of a thriller. And the background score of Bengali rock music makes the experience even more thrilling.

But I am sorry I slept through my History classes. Barring the Japanese Air raids on Calcutta during the Second World War, I had no clue of China-Burma involvement, the opium deals and the drug dealers. I struggled keeping pace with all the history chapters that rolled out at a breakneck speed. Phew.

And then there were so many characters that Ekta Kapoor serials would have a complex. It took me a while to sort out the Banerjees from the Chaterjees, the Guhas from the Daos and the moment I congratulated myself on knowing that ‘hey Gajanan and Sikdaar are the same person’, the movie mercilessly threw a Green-Gang-Yang-Guang-Ching-Chong-Chinese-man-played-by-Meiyang-Chang all in one sentence at me. Say whaaaaa??!! It’s then that I missed a Sunny Leone in an item song that would have given me ample time to process the information and keep track of events.

Even the twists and turns were so long and manipulative that I almost found myself saying- “Abbas bhai Mustan bhai, where are you guys? I miss you yaar.”  I mean no matter how shamelessly copied but give me a badass Humraaz or a Race any day where the good is not as good as it seems and the evil has a nastier plan up his sleeve and no one intimidates me with History Geography lessons.

Detective Byomkesh Bakshy scores high in performances. Sushant Singh Rajput not only is a threat to Varun Dhawans and Sidharth Malhotras but also challenges Kajol. Sorry Kajol I have bad news for you. Your unibrow act in DDLJ is overshadowed by the caterpillar that runs across Sushant’s forehead in the movie. Jokes aside, Rajput nails it in the titular role so brilliantly that he has replaced the image of Rajat Kapur from my mind as Byomkesh Bakshy.

And then there is Neeraj Kabi. The ailing preachy monk of Ship of Theseus is now a menacing doctor who delivers a power packed performance in Bakshy.

I wish they had stuck to some basic rules of detective fiction; give viewer an equal opportunity to solve the mystery, steer clear of any love sub plots and not have one of the investigating officials as the culprit.

To sum it in all, I will share my mom’s reactions.

First hour of the movie she says- “film baandhe huye hain.” (The movie is gripping.)

Close to interval- “lamba kheech diya hain.’ (It’s a bit of a drag.)

Post interval- “Ab paka rahe hain yaar.”  (Now they are making me all bored.)

Watch it once for some great performances and fabulous production that one hasn’t seen in Hindi films in a long time.

WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN

5 stars: Loved it. (This could make to top ten movies you must watch before you die!)

4 stars: Liked it. Recommend it. (This will help you sound intellectual and give you stuff to add at water cooler conversations.)

3 stars: Didn’t hurt. Watch it once.

2 stars: It put me to sleep. Watch it if you are an insomniac or a newly wedded couple. Winks!

1 star: Do I even need to explain this?